T-t-t-touch it, but I feel it.
If I'm honest, after I was assaulted in 2012 one of the hardest things to deal with was intimacy. All I really wanted was a hug and for somebody to say "I'm sorry that happened to you". But I was so dissociated and numb. I withdrew from life and love, which can cool the warmest hearts. The Grinchification is real. It took 8 years to get appropriate CTPSD therapy which really helped. So did the space and time away from the assault. Group therapy online during COVID was still effective. I remember a nurse in the group who'd been assaulted at work getting VERY angry at me because I told her, you know, it just takes time to feel better. She was still reeling in her trauma, not ready for my advice. She did not take my heartfelt advice well at all and left the meeting. I wasn't at that point either when I was as acute as her, I'd simply had the comfort of time to heal my wounds. I remember the group therapy facilitator was oddly glad it happened. I found it almost sadistic at the time but I realize it was a turning point in my recovery. The facilitator had probably recognized I'd caused a transference in the less healed person. I still think about that nurse to this day and hope it was a turning moment for her, too. Today I realized that she is probably about 7-8 years out from her traumatic and violent assault this spring. I'm wishing her well.